Date: 2005-12-14 19:45 Subject: THIS JOURNAL IS NOW FRIENDS ONLY Security: Public Mood: happy Music: imogen heap

COMMENT TO BE ADDED

Date: 2005-12-13 21:34 Subject: scratching the surface Security: Public Mood: peaceful Music: imogen heap - hide & seek

everything seems to be falling into place, and with such perfect timing, too. i think for the first time in a really long time, i can honestly say that i am genuinely happy. i've decided that it's ridiculously selfish and pointless for me to get all worked up over stupid, insignificant things, and that my time is much better spent focusing on things that actually matter. my friends, for instance. they are some of the most incredible people i have ever met, and i don't think they even realize it. they do so much for me. one million thank yous wouldn't even scratch the surface.

ps - yes, that's right. livejournal terrorist? i believe you've just been served.

Date: 2005-12-10 12:37 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

life is so wonderful.

Date: 2005-12-06 18:12 Subject: is this god's experiment Security: Public Mood: very very happy

this is bound to be one of the more controversial posts in my journal. (because i know everyone reads them oh-so deeply). here's the thing: everyone keeps proclaiming to the world that they are "in love" and that they've found "the one." my question is, why do you feel the need to let everyone else know that you're "in love" with someone, when A) no one cares, and B) it becomes a staple in your relationship. and unrightfully so. why are people so dependant on making it known to everyone? if you truly "love" someone, why is it absolutely necessary to make sure that the whole world knows?

and another thing, i've actually been doing a lot of thinking about this..and i think i've finally found out what was bugging me. love, in my opinion, is nothing more than a concept. a name people give to their dependencies and insecurities. i believe that love is nothing more than a psychological fabrication that makes people believe that they need someone, simply because they're not secure enough to stand on their own. in other words; it doesn't exist. especially at this age. i've been significantly happier since i had this revelation. a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. is it possible that i should experience both sides of the spectrum before i make any real conclusions, yes. absolutely. but it's completely unnecessary.

is it possible that i'm saying these things to cover up for my own insecurities? doubtful.

Date: 2005-12-04 18:23 Subject: no time for long updates Security: Public Mood: content Music: the rocket summer - never knew

i love how festive the eljay homepage is. not gonna lie, it made me laugh a little bit.

this weekend was nice. i saw my nysssa friends which made me ridiculously happy, and sad at the same time. i miss them already.

i've been really happy lately. life is wonderful. friends are wonderful. things are goood.

oh well, i have homework to be doing.

<3 :]

Date: 2005-11-27 11:41 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

so, this week has been a nice, relaxing change of pace for me. kind of exactly what i needed. generally, i'd say i'm in a really good place right now. i'm really looking forward to singin' in the rain. i need rehearsals to start like...now. i mean c'mon...i haven't been in a show since guys & dolls. way too long. rehearsals? why do you have to start in JANUARY. ugh. i don't want to go back to school though. psh, what else is new.

ps - rent? yeah, i have no words. wait, no i have two words; FUCKING AMAZING.

pps - i love megan and brady.

Date: 2005-11-26 18:41 Subject: you're kidding yourself Security: Public

god damnit emily, stop dwelling in the past.

Date: 2005-11-21 17:47 Subject: kathy selden, ladies & gents Security: Public Mood: very very happy Music: Would You - Singin' In The Rain

I figured it was time for a good, long update. And I was searching for something to feed my ongoing procrastination. This week has been crazy. Rehearsals, auditions, insanity. Here’s a quick recap: Monday marked the beginning of tech week for Pride & Prejudice. Tuesday was yet another tedious tech rehearsal. Wednesday was my singing & acting audition for Singin’ In The Rain, and also the first part of the dance audition…then of course another tech rehearsal. Thursday = dance audition part 2 and opening night of P&P. When I walked into school on Friday morning I wasn’t expecting to see a list on the chorus room door stating “There will be no call backs for Singin’ In The Rain. The cast list will be posted block 3a.” The next two blocks were quite possibly the longest two blocks of my entire life. Krysta and I walked down the hall in anticipation, grasping hands as if the world was coming to an end. Kathy Selden. I died. I’m nothing short of thrilled for the show. I’ve already watched the movie 2 times today, once with the commentary of course, and just to prove how much of a dork I am …I took notes. Need I say more? You know, I never was a huge fan of the show simply because it’s lacking in the plot department, and the characters don’t really grab my attention, but the more I watch it and the more research I do, I find myself liking it more and more. Kathy will be a challenge for me, I’m sure. But I’m ready and willing.

What was I talking about? Ah. The rest of the weekend. Well, the rest of the weekend was occupied mostly by Pride & Prejudice. For the most part the shows went very well. It was a successful show. I’m really glad I had a chance to be apart of it. I just wish I could have spent more time with those wonderful people. But like any other show, there was mucho drama…offstage.

This week should be fun. RENT COMES OUT IN 3 DAYS.

Enough said.

-Emily

Date: 2005-11-15 21:32 Subject: it's that time of year again: audition time. Security: Public Mood: excited

so i was livejournal surfing the other day, and i randomly happened to stumble accross this in kevin gammariello's livejournal. i read it; i learned from it, and you should all do the same. i mean... come on... we can all use some audition help now and then, right? right.

( AUDITIONS 101 )

Date: 2005-11-03 18:10 Subject: nothing new Security: Public Mood: blah

is it just me, or do people really suck?
yeah, i agree.

Date: 2005-10-30 18:06 Subject: under pressure Security: Public Mood: contemplative

kp's party was spectacular. this weekend was generally quite fabulous, if i do say so myself; with the exception of today. today was sunday. there's basically an unwritten law that says sundays have to suck. today was spent procrastinating and doing homework, most of which has yet to be done. and all day i said to myself, "i'm going to be productive today. i'm going to do my laundry, clean my room and finish all of my homework!" ...yeah, not one of those things ever happens.

it seems like the harder i try to do well at something, the angrier my parents get when i don't succeed. my parents have been getting really upset with me lately, and over the most insignificant things. it's really frustrating when you're being yelled at/lectured and you know that if you actually try and defend your case, regardless of what the situation is, you're going to get yourself in deeper than you already are. what else is new.

tomorrow's halloween. i feel like i should be looking forward to it more. i'm not really doing anything special (considering the trick-or-treating/serenading has been done already), but i just remember being more excited for halloween. what is going on with the world.

Date: 2005-10-25 22:20 Subject: i'm coming slow but speeding Security: Public Mood: i'm okay Music: dashboard confessional

so i'm officially addicted to layouts. awesome. things are slightly better than before. i'm trying this new thing where i actually think before i act, and try not to say things that are completely stupid. we'll se how it works out. maybe things don't have to be as bad as i make them after all. in other news, school is a bore. the end.

Date: 2005-10-24 21:37 Subject: WARNING: emo post Security: Public

details are pointless because no one wants to hear them.
i don't even want to hear them.

in short;
i am kidding myself every single day. i always find a way to mess things up. even if it means going out of my way to do so. this is all done subconciously, of course, but it's done nonetheless. i push and push and push until they crack. and then i regret even thinking about it in the first place. i am conniving, manipulative and ungrateful, and i refuse to acknowledge it when it needs to be acknowledged most. i make things wrong, but when i try to make them right again, i end up making things worse than they were to start off with.


the simple solution is staring me in the face, but i am stubborn, and refuse to make eye contact.



. . .

Date: 2005-10-21 20:54 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Mood: blah Music: MJ

Dear Livejournal,
I'm sorry for neglecting you. Nothing even remotely update-worthy is happening in my life right now,
and if it was, I'd be sure to tell you. K, bye.

Love,
Emily

Date: 2005-10-14 17:19 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Mood: indifferent Music: nothing

it's amazing how quickly things can change.





but then again, some things never change.

Date: 2005-10-03 21:27 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Mood: content Music: space between - dmb

things are good. i think i'm finally at a place where i can be routinely satisfied day after day. i'm not complaining. right now i'm trying hard to focus on getting back into the swing of things as far as dance goes, and schoolwork. oh school. it's official. i'm that weird girl who walks quickly, alone in the hallways, without giving so much as a smile and an uncomfortable glance to those she sees walking past her. sad. i know. but again, i'm not complaining. it's weird, but i've found that spending time by myself really helps clear my head and put me in a better mood. it's amazing how much 10 minutes of just being by yourself can do for a person. dance doesn't hurt either ; ]

poop. i suppose i should be doing something productive right now.

ps - i miss my college kids. hope all is well.

Date: 2005-09-28 15:10 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Mood: i'm getting there Music: let go - frou frou

what? updating two days in a row? crazy. having nothing to do tonight and almost no homework? even more insanity. school is bearable, believe it or not. dramadramadrama, but whatever. i absolutely love my new dance studio. it's so nice to not worry about school, or what people are thinking of me. i actually look forward to going.

so i'm a layout junkie. yay, nay?

plans for this weekend aren't looking all that promising. but tomorrow i'm excited because i'm walking from dance to joe bean (which is like 15 feet away) on my break, and i'm hoping to run into kp and heather at young artists night. it'll be fun.

leave plans if you'd like.

( there's beauty in the breakdown )

Date: 2005-09-27 16:32 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Mood: contemplative Music: dmb, of course

right now, everything is such a blur. everyone & everything that i somehow manage to associate myself with is just one seeminlgy endless blob of humanity. things are happening so fast, and i don't know what to make of it. i'm loosing sight of what's really important to me, along with that feeling of belonging somewhere. i'm so fed up with the drama. the unnecessary, immature, useless drama. and there's no avoiding it.





come and see
i swear by now i'm playing time against my troubles
oh, i'm coming slow but speeding
do you wish a dance and while i'm in the front
my play on time is won
oh, but the difficulty's coming here

Date: 2005-09-20 21:00 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Mood: sick Music: Mraz

i've been bad about updating lately. i'm sorry. and i'm also sorry about the emo/annoying one liners lately. everyone has their days, you know? so, school is consuming my life. i'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. very slowly. i started dance again. i think i'm going to like the new studio. it's not rapa which makes me happy, and it's kind of like a fresh new start which is really nice, too. i'm ridiculously rusty though, considering i haven't actually danced in about 2 years. i'll deal. so my allergies decided to gang up on me this week. GREAT. awesome. sweet. yeah, take a gander at the "sick" face. it made me laugh a little bit.

peace.
<3 emily

Date: 2005-09-17 18:08 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Mood: i'm okay

but then again, maybe things aren't so bad after all